Kelly SY Rock

On your birthday this year, I felt myself grieve as much as I celebrated. Your life is different. It seems simple to say but there is nothing simple about the experience. We continue the steady journey through time but the milestones that mark your climb are set only by you. There is no need to compare the pace or trajectory to how life is lived by most; you have no concern for such things. Watching you turn five feels beautiful and hard, wondrous and heavy. I grieve for the words we don’t hear, the games we haven’t played. My heart aches when I think of the questions you haven’t been able to ask and the incredible perspective, the sparks of imagination that I see in your eyes, but don’t get to experience with you. We long for a few simple words, for the ease of communication.

I am not afraid to share my struggles. I’m not afraid to talk about my anxiety disorder or depression or how hard it is to be a mom while managing mental illness.… Read more: Strength + Vulnerability

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